Why is it So Hard to Love Ourselves?

Self-esteem is fragile. As an evolving subjective emotional evaluation of our own worth, it is the product of how we judge ourselves. And, all too often, we judge ourselves too harshly.

Self-esteem – how you value yourself as a person – affects you and everything attached to you. Your self-esteem influences your life every day, the choices you make, the way you feel in new situations, and how you appear to other people. Positive self-esteem is both a cause and a result of healthy thinking, just as negative self-esteem is both the product of our perceived self-worth and momentum that our insecurities have to keep growing. Just as you can learn to change unhealthy habits, you can take steps to improve your self-esteem.

Let's first examine two of the most common causes for low self -esteem:

  • Failure: We've all heard the stories of highly successful people who overcame repeated failures in their lives. Those people who can pick themselves up after failure to try and try again understand that failure is simply an event in your life; it doesn't define who you are as a person or your self-worth. It is when we identify ourselves with the failures that we have experienced that our self-esteem is affected and our own self-worth doubted.
  • Comparing Ourselves to Others: Because we live in a time when social media provides filtered snapshots into the lives of others, it's difficult not to fall victim to baseless comparisons. When you fall victim to such comparisons, envy or jealousy can arise and you can slowly start to devalue yourself and your own accomplishments. It is important to remember that everyone's life journey is unique and there is no comparison to be made because you, your struggles, accomplishments, and dreams are original to you and you alone.

Recognizing the cause of low self-esteem is the first step, but we should now examine how to turn things around:

  • Embrace All That It Is to Be You: There's nothing wrong with wanting to improve ourselves, but even if those big dreams or aspirations never come to light, we need to be satisfied with who we are. Love your flaws as much as you love your strengths because it is the beautiful recipe of both that make you uniquely you.
  • Learn From Your Failures. There's a fine line between learning from your failures and letting them define you. Embrace the lessons learned with each experience and failure and look at them as an opportunity to grow. Some of the best life lessons learned are through failure, but you have to recognize them as such in order to move forward.
  • Be Kind to Yourself: If you wouldn't say it to someone else, don't say it to yourself. Be kind to yourself and stop with the negativity because – good or bad – you will eventually believe what you tell yourself. Replace negative words with positive confessions, (e.g; I am a wonderful person. I have purpose for my life).

Hopefully now you can take the proper steps to love yourself from the inside out. Think of self-esteem as a mental muscle that requires daily development and strengthening. You can never build that muscle too big. Now, go enjoy life and love the new you.

Latrese M. Kabuya is an empowerment coach, professional skin care and make up artist with over 20 years in the beauty industry. Her experience includes countless runway shows, weddings, and photo-shoot events. She has also Freelanced for Estee Lauder, MAC, Bobbi Brown, Lancôme, and Kiehl's. Latrese's affable personality has given her the opportunity to appear as a frequent guest on a local television show Better KCTV5, providing women not only skincare and makeup advice but also coaching women of all ages to embrace a healthy self-esteem.

She got her first taste of makeup artistry when she did her sister's makeup for her wedding. It is at that moment that she discovered a passion to empower women and young girls to P.R.E.T.T.Y. themselves--"Prepare, Redefine, and Express The Total You.” Latrese believes that it is easier to enhance one's beauty when they are P.R.E.T.T.Y. on the inside-.” Her personal life journey has taught her that women go through various phases in their lives. She uses her experience and love for makeup to inspire women to reach for their full potential and manage the challenges set before them.

Latrese’s primary passion of uplifting and encouraging others is achieved through her empowerment coaching. Her life-changing motivational speaking is frequently sought after and featured on her Monday Motivation radio show, Women’s Wellness seminars, beauty clinics and more. She faithfully finds ways to give back to the community at large as an active member, advisor, and chair of several after school initiatives as well as various mentoring programs.

Latrese has a deep conviction, rooted in her Christian belief, that we are uniquely and individually created. She is married to Minister Olivier Kabuya and both are faithful and active members of Harvest Church in Kansas City, MO. Through her own Internet Television Series, “Insights with Latrese,” Latrese passionately empowers individuals to live their best lives through Christ and their individual gifting.

Latrese has five beautiful daughters, Britney, Morgan, Leah, Naomi, and Amina. She is also a surrogate mother and mentor to countless teenage girls in her community.